Before I start babbling on I’d like to emphasise that whenever I state the word “Asian” in this blog post, I mean ‘Indian.’ If you’re wondering why I don’t just go through and change every “Asian” to ‘Indian,’ understand that time is money and I’m not getting paid to produce this.
SO, it was kind of spur of the moment to write a blog post focused on this particular topic, I recently spoke to an old flame of mine who asked, ‘how many Asian guys ask you whether you’ve [previously] been with a black guy?’ and when I thought about it… quite a fair few.
Funnily enough, Asian guys don’t move to me much (anymore), my Bestfriend thinks I give out a ‘black guys only’ vibe- not that I’ve ever noticed.
As many of you will already know, the main reason (and sometimes the only reason) why some Asian guys are hurt at the fact that some Asian girls prefer dating black men is complete racism and racism only.
Now, of course, there are many other mini-reasons, that I’ll get into after but the main reason is plain ole’ racism.
I don’t mean to downplay or make racism sound acceptable, but there’s not much to expand on. It’s no secret that a LOT of Indian households have a backwards mentality and are racist towards black people. But, that’s another blog for another day.
Right, a little pre-text about myself, I’m Asian (obvs), Hindu. I’ve been a situationship with one Asian guy, but I was young and dumb, so does it really count?
Since then I’ve only dated chocolate darlings.
Let me talk about my most recent experience, being out in public with a black male.
I have a close guy friend, Ayo, and whenever we’ve been out in public we’ve received the most blatant stares, head shakes, tuts and eye-rolls from Asian people, not just from guys.
Once we were walking through Birmingham City Centre and a group of old Indian ladies quickly scurried to the side in disgust as they passed us, as if we were beating right in front of them.
Do I find it funny? Very.
I’ve gone past the point of caring or taking anything to heart. In fact, it makes me want a babes just so I can do up trophy husband (no Fenty) in these streets.
In 2016, my prime Asian boy hit-on-me time I was seeing someone, he was Grenadian. An Asian boy moved to me, I politely declined his no game having ass offer and told him I had a babes. He asked “is he black?” I confirmed he was, to which he replied “you know, no Asian guy is going to want you after you’ve been with a black.”
Yes, “a black,” in this big, big 21st Century.
“It’s a good job I like to feel it in my braim then,” I replied, because I knew one of the other reasons why Asian guys are insecure when being compared to black guys, is because of 🍆size.
Thinking back on it now I wish I’d schooled him, but at the same time I wasn’t trying to entertain him.
So, yes, I have had my fair share of experiences. However, they’ve not been as bad as some people’s.
As you may have seen, I tweeted about planning this blog and asked people to share their opinions and/or experiences regarding this subject matter and this is what they had to say…
“I think Asian guys get fully intimidated by this but put a front up and say stuff like ‘no one’s ever gonna touch you again if you go with a black boy…’ in all honesty I think it’s penis size lmao.”
“I find that Asian boys are very judgmental when it comes to Asian girls dating black boys. Me, personally, I find Asian boys to be a bit controlling through my experience especially in today’s society where even in this present day fairer skinned girls are seen as beautiful. Coming from a dark Asian side myself, I’ve always grown up thinking I was not enough.
It was only until I started speaking to black men that I found that they’ve been accepting of my skin, making me feel beautiful both inside and out, which is what makes me attracted to them, to this day.
I feel Asian boys move mad when they hear that we’ve been with black men because they feel that they aren’t the superior in a sense- that it’s not them. Jealousy is something that is most seen in them and instead of not caring they will spread gossip and make it a big deal for nothing which is why are not accepting of it.”
“One time, my ex and I were arguing, I walked off and some Asian guy was trying to chat to me so my ex came over and was like, ‘she’s with me’ and the Asian guy SWITECHED, like I hurt his heart or something?! I didn’t even know the guy.
It was like he wanted to fight my ex because he was dating me.”
“I’ve heard a lot of Asian folk talk about how ‘ugly’ or ‘dark’ black people are and it’s honestly and truly disgusting. And of course, it doesn’t stop them from saying the ‘n’ word.
I’ve also had people tell me how they wouldn’t date a black person upon finding out I have a black partner. Or worse, they’ll say that my partner is “attractive for a black person.” I’ve been fortunate to have positive reactions from others, but there are a few that are out of order.
One thing that definitely occurs quite frequently is the STARES! I guess this is because it’s not a very common sight to see an Asian and black person together. But the stares, yeah, they come from both Asian and black people, not just the young but all the aunties and uncles too.
One time, I remember I was dating this dark-skinned guy, and he had never dated an Asian before. He decided to break things off because of the amount of stares we’d get from other Asians.”
“I personally think it’s because Asian boys feel entitled. They think we are made solely for them to pick out of us. Every time I’m with my man I’m seeing I get dirty looks from every direction, they stare, even say stuff. So many of them call me names if I don’t message them back, or say no to meeting them.”
Anonymous (male, Asian)
“Definitely racism with a hint of dick size insecurity.”
“My ex is Ghanaian and I’ve casually dated a couple of black guys too but whenever I’m “speaking” to an Asian guy and past partners come up 🙃… it’s hella gross to be honest because it sexualises black men and reduces them down to penis sixe. And one other common thing I’ve noticed is how my relationships are never taken seriously.
The usual response from Asian guys is “oh well your parents will never let it happen anyway,” or the stereotypical “he’s black, he won’t stick around for a relationship,” (not going to lie, this one isn’t just Asian guys, I get this from narrow minded Asian girls as well). But, in short, it’s as if I’m tainted/dirty because I’ve dated outside of my culture.
Of course, Asian guys have never said this to me directly but essentially that is what they say/think/feel.
Also, one other thing I’ve realised is that Asian guy’s kind of see me as a ‘hoe.’ Lord knows, I hate that term, but again it reduces black men down to just sexual beings.
In essence, it’s like because I’ve been with a black guy, and they’ve been attracted to me, I must be opening my legs to anyone and I’m “loose,” so I’ve realised Asian guys never take you seriously after that because you must be easy if you’ve been with a ‘khala.’”
“Because it’s as if Asian boys feel inferior/threatened ‘will I be able to match the (black) man’s standard, will I be as attractive, will I be enough…’ it’s about ego. Men size up other men just as women feel competitive (sometimes) or insecure against other females.”
Anonymous (male, Asian)
“As an Asian dude who sometimes gets irked at seeing Asian girls with anyone non-Asian, I think some of the problems are possessiveness, jealousy and seeing more competition. It’s honestly annoying because I have no issue with any lady in my family dating a black guy.
Ego seems to come into play here, from Asian women not choosing Asian men to wondering why they’re with black men, who are supposedly inferior.
I didn’t realise just how big a role racism played. I kind of rankle at brown women dating white men, but not as much when they go with black men. It’s aggravating because there’s literally no reason for Asian men to care.”
Anonymous (female, Asian)
“I’ve had Asian guys tell me I’m dirty and that no one would want to marry me or touch me. All the guys gave me the strangest and dirtiest looks in public and I had one walk past me and scream ‘ugh’ extremely baitly.”
“All I think about is the stares! Intense stares. So, Alton Towers a whole group of Asian guys were staring at me with Phil, so he was like “why not give them a show,” so he picked me up and started kissing me.
They stare like there’s no tomorrow; do they even know me? It’s hella rude.”
First of all, shout out everyone who had my DM’s poppin’ for a hot sec, I appreciate you.
As I mentioned before there are many ‘mini-reasons’ as to why some Asian guys act the way they do when “their” women are dating black men:
- Racism, racism, racism
- Genital size, stereotypically black men are blessed, whereas Asian men…
- Feeling inferior, Asian men can sometimes feel like this, which is pretty self-inflicted.
- General physical appearance
- Spit game (moving to girls)
- Dick game (AKA not knowing how to lay the pipe)
- Being possessive over Asian women, or women generally
- Seeing women as property
- And an Ego too big for their own good.
Did I miss anything?
After reading some of the responses that I received via DM I was disgusted, how can you think of someone as ‘dirty’ after dating a particular race? How can you shout “ugh” with your chest because you’ve seen a girl the same race as you with another?
Maddaz. *Drake voice*
I do find it quite ironic when an Asian guy is mad that an Asian woman is dating a black man because they always seem to be mad at the black guy, as opposed to the Asian woman, when really it’s HER who’s preference it is to date a black man.
This mind-set all dials down to some Asian men not seeing Asian women, or any women as human beings.
They’re not people, they’re prey, just because some Asian men prey upon women every other male does the same. Nah b.
Anyways, before I get too heated and start bashing my Asian brothers, I’ll stop.
I do hope to have covered some important ground when speaking on this taboo topic. This blog wasn’t to do anything but educate you on how silly you are and how you make girls feel if you are one of THOSE Asian guys.