Dare to be Disowned?

The title of this blog makes it sound like it’s going to be mad deep, but it’s not, honest.

This blog post is mainly about me, some of the feelings that I had earlier this year that led to me writing this post. So, if you’re interested in reading about me, continue, and I know a lot of you will do so because you’re nosey as fuck.

My Mother raised me, all by herself, I’ve lived with my Mum and only her forever. So, despite growing-up a ‘Daddy’s girl,’ I will always and forever be my Mother’s daughter.

(That statement seems so random and odd, but you’ll see in a future post and later in this post why my Mum’s presence in my life is such a big deal.)

Now, there are a mix of different religions and races in my family, on both my Mum and Dad’s sides of the family. So, growing-up the thought of me being in a relationship with someone who wasn’t the same race as me, didn’t seem to be a problem- BOI, was I wrong.

I recently graduated, and soon after I graduated, (and when I say “soon,” I mean as soon as my graduation ceremony was over) my Grandma dropped that line every 21-year-old just can’t wait to hear, “now all you need is a good job and a nice husband.”

I did what I do best, laughed it off, paid no attention- but, maybe I did that because I was a little waved from the free champagne.

But she wasn’t lying.

It’s been 3 months since I graduated and my Grandma’s made many, MANY references to marriage, fam, I had to tell her I’m not on it like that.

So, the way I was raised, I used to find it humorous when my elders spoke about arranged marriage, like, there was no way in the world I would ever get an arranged marriage. The idea of someone choosing who you spend the rest of your life with was such a lame concept. Plus, 99% of the arranged marriages that I’m surrounded by, didn’t work out, my parents as a prime example.

Over the past few weeks I’d been told about various Indian mothers who’d asked my Grandma whether she was looking for a husband for her eldest grandchild (me). Joke ting.

I was even invited to spend a month in India, but the idea of village boys offering to keep my family’s land clean, in exchange for my hand in marriage really isn’t my cuppa.

It’s super awkward because as many of you know, Indian boys aren’t the wave- for me. And that factor alone caused me the most amount of stress earlier this year.

Earlier this year, as some of you will have read, my baby brother passed away. Ever since it happened, in my head, I believed that I had to do everything my Dad wanted me to do to keep him happy, I felt as if it was my job. I can’t even begin to explain how pressurised I felt, it was horrible.

But my Mum came to my rescue and she reassured me that living my life for someone else’s happiness was not the way forward.

Now, it’s been stuck ON me that marrying outside of my race was a massive no, no. A no, no to the point where if I was to marry outside of my race (and caste) I’d be disowned. When elders stick these kinds of lines on you, I don’t think they realise the pressure, trauma and the extent those kinds of words can play on someone’s mind. But you know, I’m a big man outchea.

Again, my mind was put at ease when my Mum came to the rescue when she reassured me that real, genuine love isn’t defined by skin colour, culture, last names, social status or religious beliefs.

As much as I don’t want to compliment my Mum right now because I know she’s reading these already on her high horse because I’ve mentioned her so much, I would like to point out the reason why I mentioned her at the beginning of the post.

My Mum really is one in a million, so shout out to your damn self, Queen Rita!

I want to briefly emphasis how amazing my Mum is, she is honestly the strongest, wisest (lol) and funniest person I know.

I pray that everybody has a best-friend in their Mum, like I do.

Now, before I start bashing people I have genuine love for, ends of the earth type of love for, I just wanted to talk about the real reason behind this post.

It’s all about the pressure you feel to make your loved ones happy, it can be drowning, suffocating even.

To all the young Queens and Kings out there, just know, your happiness means the most. Your well-being, your feelings, your life ultimately means the most. And the people who think the same for you will agree.

I’m sure most of you don’t need to be told to live your life for yourself, but I hope this post shows some of you that if you’ve ever felt this pressurising feeling, you’re seriously not alone.

Or if you’ve felt this pressurising feeling, please DM or contact me in some way because I’d love to hear how you got yourself out of the same drowning feeling I had, how you found the silver lining in your situation…

Until next time.